July 31 show

Over the weekend, Mel Gibson got busted, Pamela Anderson got married, and Lindsay Lohan got a new one ripped...but eTalk opened tonight's show with a repeat of its interview with Martin Short. It was the same interview aired when his show was playing in Toronto but they dragged it out tonight to promote his show on Broadway. Unbelievable. Next up, a "worldwide exclusive" (yes, Tanya Kim said "worldwide") about the celebrity guests at this year's One X One gala during the Toronto International Film Festival. You mean the "worldwide exclusive" that Matt Damon and John Legend will be there? Hmmm...didn't I see that somewhere? And why the "worldwide?" I'm sure somewhere in the Ukraine an entertainment show is kicking itself for missing that one. Now back to the filler... up next was a crappy segment on the offspring of famous directors and actors who are also working in show business. Suddenly, I realized this is a pre-packaged show. Hey, those eTalk interns deserve a break. There was some fairly new content, though, with creepy David Giammarco on a junket interview with Robin Williams... but this was followed by a rehash of a David Cronenberg profile. After the break, rehashed filler pieces on band members who go solo and minorities on prime time television. A segment from last year about the movie Three Needles was trotted back out because of the upcoming International AIDS Conference in Toronto. (Did we really need the cheesy sound effects in a segment about a serious subject like AIDS?) No mention of the fact that the movie, which screened at last year's Toronto Film Festival, never got a wide release. Then, an old behind-the-scenes look at Billable Hours. Well folks, if eTalk is taking a break from new shows this week, maybe I should seize the opportunity to take a break, too.

July 28 show

Tonight's show opened with the widely-reported story about a letter from the production company behind Lindsay Lohan's new movie complaining about her behaviour. At least eTalk cited the source (thesmokinggun.com) this time and apparently did a little homework to find out that the letter was legitimate. Next up, the news that CTV was dying to report -- that the ABC/CBC show The One has been cancelled. Tanya Kim once again misled viewers by claiming the reality series bumped The National (it only bumped it in Ontario and Quebec). Next, Kim inexplicably did the voice-over for a junket segment with Zain Meghji and the cast of Scoop. This was followed by a 100% filler segment about the favourite summer songs of various stars (including five CTV "stars"). Then, "only eTalk was invited inside" the studio with Sloan. Big deal. All they did was brag about how many people played their song in MySpace. Next, David Giammarco's voice mysteriously appeared to narrate a piece on Justin Trudeau's new TV movie even though the interview was done by Sophie Gregoire, who happens to be Trudeau's wife. Weird. The obligatory Idol segment featured three former Idol competitors shopping for vintage clothes. Yes, you read that right. In a profile of comic actor Ryan Belleville, Kim bragged that he "conquered" TV (his series lasted less than one season) and "made movie magic" in Going the Distance (which was a box office flop). All in all, a fairly harmless show.

July 27 show

The top story was about Beyonce, whom eTalk erroneously reported a few weeks ago had split from Jay-Z. Apparently all is forgiven, because Tanya Kim interviewed the singer in New York. Thankfully, the segment was light on the annoying sound effects for which eTalk is usually so fond. Next, the "network premiere" of Janet Jackson's new video. Of course, not really, because they only showed a few seconds of the video. This was followed by Susie Wall with "the scoop" on Pamela Anderson's plans to have several weddings -- news that was all over the Web all day. Next, an inexplicably brief interview with Hilary Duff in London, Ontario, that didn't really tell us anything. David Giammarco -- who is, based on his look, now homeless -- brought us yet more junket clips for Miami Vice. The obligatory Giammarco cackle was there. It wouldn't be an eTalk episode without a pointless "exclusive" Canadian Idol segment -- this time featuring Bonnie Stern at the Idol mansion learning how to barbecue. It was the longest segment on the show and had nothing to do with entertainment. Kim's introduction to the next segment reminded me how she is hands-down the worst TelePromTer reader in the history of television. After the break, an "exclusive" (God, they love that word) about a Vancouver kid who's going to play Halle Berry's son in a movie. Then, a puff piece on a singer named Peaches that was interesting only because Kim said "impeach my Bush" and cut to Peaches saying "piss in my pimp cup" on what is essentially a youth show!

Will there be an eRetraction?

No new eTalk tonight due to a heavy schedule of American programs on CTV. However, a lot of loyal readers have commented (no, I do not post comments anymore because a few idiots spoiled it for everyone) about an item on eTalk from a couple of nights ago. You may recall they reported that PETA activist Pamela Anderson was involved in a scandal because she was a partner in a restaurant called Blacksteel that offers foie gras on its menu. Well, like so much of what you hear on eTalk, this was something they got off the Web without doing any fact-checking -- and it's false. But according to PETA: "Pam isn’t a partner in Blacksteel and makes no money from it - she just helped with some start up money because she knew the chef. There is no scandal here." I won't hold my breath for eTalk to retract their report...even though it would be the right thing to do.

July 25 show

eTalk opened with the "exclusive" "network premiere" of Justin Timberlake's new video. Of course, this isn't such a big deal since it's been all over the Web and on the cable music channels, not to mention that eTalk only showed a bit of the video. Must be a slow entertainment news day. It also sounded as if Tanya Kim said the video features "Timberland" when she should have said "Timbaland." Next, the news that the Rolling Stones have added three Canadian stops to their tour, which eTalk turned into a plug for CTV's Canadian Idol. Sigh. This was followed by -- surprise -- an "exclusive" report by Ben Mulroney on Idol. Sadly, David Giammarco was back, this time with clips from his Miami Vice junket. Admittedly, it was fun to try to figure out who is filthier...Giammarco or Colin Farrell. Giammarco also did a piece with Lionel Richie and Nicole Richie that was so bizarre, even Kim laughed when it was done. For some unknown reason, the annoying Elaine "Lainey" Lui was on with a rundown of music from female artists peppered with her opinions (even though I'm at a loss to understand why anyone should care about what Lui thinks). Later, a puff piece about a little girl on some kids' show that was clearly provided pre-produced to eTalk -- although viewers were never told it was basically a free advertisement. Tonight's filler segment was on a band called The Reason and, of course, "only eTalk" was invited into their studio. Only eTalk, of course, because who elses gives a crap? The show ended with a cheesy fake exchange between Kim and Mulroney (they weren't really talking to or hearing each other). Then, inexplicably, they rolled credits over Sarah McLachlan's video for "Fallen." What, there were no recent videos available?

July 24 show

Tonight's top story was about Steve Nash's charity event in Vancouver. Fair enough. But then Elaine "Lainey" Lui popped up in the studio with some boring gossip about Nicole Richie, Natalie Portman and Elisha Cuthbert -- most of it taken off the Web. Next up, the "exclusive" report on Hayden Christensen's participation in the 2006 Bullrun that eTalk promised last week. Tanya Kim said the transmission blew in Christensen's Lamborghini, even though they showed him driving a Ferrari. Good work, guys. Then Anna Cyzon reported from the Bullrun party, where she claimed there were some "big names" (last week, eTalk erroneously reported that Christensen, Dennis Rodman and Paris Hilton would be there) even though she interviewed only F-list celebrities like Corey Haim, Corey Feldman and Carl Lewis. This crap was followed by more mind-numbing "exclusive" Canadian Idol babbling. Freaky Zain Meghji was up next with junket interview clips for the movie Scoop, oddly narrated not by him but by Kim. Then, despite teasing it quite dramatically at the opening, eTalk showed only one single quick shot of a photo of Christensen from a magazine spread. Then we found out that former Idol runner-up Theresa Sokyrka told eTalk "exclusively" about her new album. Riiight. I'm sure she won't talk about the CD to anyone else. And I'm sure ET Canada is kicking itself for not landing THAT exclusive. Give me a break. Next, a great look at John Cleese's show in Montreal in which he "shot" Ben Mulroney to death as a gift to all Canadians. The show ended with a rundown of new DVDs (filler!).

July 21 show

Tonight's show started with a rather odd story about Outkast apparently refusing to go on Oprah Winfrey's show. eTalk referred to something reported on Fox News and then said it wasn't true (sort of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?). Then it dragged out old clips about hip hop artists who didn't want to be on Oprah's show... which all seemed like much ado about nothing. And then to make it all even more bizarre, Tanya Kim wrapped it up by saying: "While you won't see Outkast on Oprah..." Um, why won't we? You just said the rumour about Outkast not wanting to be on Oprah wasn't true -- so it's possible they'll get asked some day. I'm confused. In the Daily Dish segment, Kim reported that James Blunt is "rumoured to be secretly dating supermodel Petra Nemcova." Um, it's not "rumoured" nor is it a "secret" that they have been dating. Has anyone at eTalk picked up a magazine or surfed the Web lately? For crying out loud, Nemcova has TALKED about their relationship! Someone at eTalk needs to teach all those interns how to do research. Next up was Shaun Majumder trying to find lunch in Montreal during the Just For Laughs comedy festival. This is entertainment news? Pure filler and not even funny (and why was Majumder's mic flash below his hand?). This was followed by a piece on Brian Littrell that eTalk was clearly sitting on for a few weeks. Oddly, Ben Mulroney (who was off tonight) did the voice-over, even though he was never introduced by Kim... so if you were not familiar with Mulroney's role on the show, you'd be wondering who the mystery "reporter" was. Mulroney also voiced the next segment, a profile on Don McKellar. After the first break there was a promo spot for next week, promising that only eTalk could take us inside a Bullrun pit stop party with Hayden Christensen, Dennis Rodman and Paris Hilton -- even though neither Rodman nor Hilton were scheduled to be attending the party. Hmmm... Anyway, eTalk then trotted out a piece on the Winnipeg kid whose body was used in the movie Little Man. Yawn. The movie's been out two weeks already. A junket segment on Monster House was voiced by...um...we have no clue because Kim never introduced her. How amateur. Next, a pretty good piece on Ra McGuire, the lead singer of Trooper, even though it's unlikely eTalk's 12-year-old viewers know who he is or have ever heard of Trooper. Next, another promo for the Bullrun, this time promising that only eTalk can take us inside Christensen's Lamborghini as he races through Toronto -- even though the actor drove a Ferrari in the race. The show ended with some filler on a Canadian band I've never heard of and don't particularly like, narrated by another unidentified mystery voice. My head hurts.

July 20 show

Ben Mulroney is back from his "Idol assignment," which is great because it gives us a bit of relief from the annoying vocal stylings of Tanya Kim. The top story was one of eTalk's infamous bogus yarns -- this time about Hayden Christensen and Sienna Miller. Relying on Elaine "Lainey" Lui for celebrity information is rarely a good idea, even though she only repeats stuff she's read online. Where to begin? "They're doing re-shoots (for Factory Girl) right now," Lui said. Wrong. "Having Hayden and Jude (Law) in New York with her in the same place at the same time is what's making Sienna stressed out." Wrong. Jude, who's been in France, touched down in Toronto on July 19th and was walking around Toronto with Sienna today. Oh well, it's a juicy story -- even though it's not true. As if there was nothing else going on in the world of entertainment, the second segment of the show was yet more clips from the record company-supplied behind-the-scenes look at the making of Jessica Simpson's new video. Again, eTalk didn't bother to let viewers know where the content came from. Surprisingly, next up was a report on a non-CTV show, Rock Star: Supernova... as well as a mention of CBC's The One and how badly it did in the ratings. Mulroney could barely contain his glee. Then (shock!), another segment on a non-CTV show. eTalk gave some good coverage to Citytv's Canada's Next Top Model. Mind you, they're promoting a show that's over. In the e-sightings, another nausea-inducing clip of Tom Sizemore (hold the camera still!!) from a distance (move in closer!!). After the first break, a puff piece on Mobile and Peaches that was, for some odd reason, labelled "exclusive." Toothy freak Zain Meghji checked in from Montreal, where he is ostensibly covering the Just For Laughs festival (why couldn't Sophie Gregoire do it?). We were subjected to a very un-funny piano playing comic and Meghji laughing at anything Craig Ferguson said. (Hey, wait a second, did he just make fun of blog-writers?!) This was followed by more promotion for Clerks II and Monster House filled with eTalk's obnoxious sound effects to keep viewers awake. Then, a segment on Odd Job Jack (yes, it airs on CTV's sister station, The Comedy Network). The show ended with the promised "network premiere" of Mobile's new video, even though the show spent so much airtime promoting the fact that it was coming up that we only got to see a few seconds of it.

No July 19 show

In most markets, eTalk was pre-empted by So You Think You Can Dance. In the markets where it aired, it was merely a pre-packaged music episode.

The ratings

Yesterday I mentioned the Bureau of Broadcast Measurement (BBM) ratings and this prompted several readers (no, I don't publish comments anymore) to ask how well eTalk does. Unfortunately, my source is only able to provide me with the BBM numbers for the Toronto Extended Market, which is basically Southern Ontario. In the important Adult 18-49 demographic, eTalk had an 8.4 share yesterday, compared to ET Canada's 6.6. The only show to beat eTalk in its timeslot yesterday was Coronation Street on CBC, which had a 12.0 share among Adults 18-49. Remember, this is Toronto Extended Market only. So how did eTalk stack-up against other entertainment shows? The Insider (on CH) did a 2.6 a half-hour earlier, and a half-hour later both ET and Access Hollywood did a 7.7 share. Star! Daily managed only a 1.4. In total audience (in the Toronto Extended Market), eTalk was #1 with 87,000 viewers, followed by ET (75,000), Access Hollywood (69,000), ET Canada (50,000), Insider (37,000) and Star! Daily (10,000).

July 18 show

Tonight's show was 100% Giammarco-free! The top story was news about the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), which is a big event to be certain but pretty local for those viewers outside of the city (according to the Bureau of Broadcast Measurement, only about 85,000 people in Toronto are watching eTalk this week). Next, the show dragged out a nearly year-old interview with the cast of Edison Force without mentioning how old it was nor talking about the film's Canadian connection (surely one of eTalk's interns could have found out it was shot in Vancouver). Then Kim said: "For unspecified reasons, Edison Force skipped theatres." Since it was made nearly two years ago and ended up going straight-to-DVD, chances are the "unspecified reason" is that it sucks! The third segment was a bunch of "exclusive" pics of Ashlee Simpson walking around Toronto. Yawn. This was followed by another record company-supplied promotional piece on the making of Jessica Simpson's new video. Shouldn't eTalk let viewers know that this is basically an ad? Finally, Ben Mulroney graced the screen with his "exclusive" report on Canadian Idol. Of course, there was no mention of how many of the performances were dreadful or why the judges still heaped praise on each and every one of them. But I'm not a 12-year-old girl. Next, a commercial... er, I mean a report... on the new movie Clerks II. After the first break, more of Kim's awful voice-over work in a segment on Snakes on a Plane. Again, no mention that it was shot in Canada. Later, another junket clip collection from Zain Meghji with the cast of Lady in the Water. Then "only we've got your sneak peek at the season premiere of Instant Star," which is, of course, a CTV show. A crappy show full of fluff, indeed. Where was the story on Darren Hayes' coming out? Or on the death of Mickey Spillane? No time for real entertainment news when you've got CTV shows to plug.

July 17 show

ET Canada had the exclusive official photos from Avril Lavigne's wedding as well as an interview with the bride herself, but that didn't stop eTalk from teasing: "eTalk takes you inside Avril and Deryk's weekend wedding." But all the show really had was grainy helicopter pictures (widely available online) and talking head Elaine "Lainey" Liu rehashing details (already widely reported elsewhere over the last few days), topped up with filler background clips. Nice try. The second story of the night was (gasp!) another exclusive about Canadian Idol, this time telling us all about how wonderful Nelly Furtado is. Out of nowhere came a packaged segment on the making of Jessica Simpson's new video, undoubtedly provided by the record label. eTalk made no mention that this was essentially a commercial for the song. The audio was so bad, they added subtitles! The e-sightings segment showed far-off footage of Rob Lowe having lunch on a patio in Toronto (move in closer and hold the camera steady!), a bad clip of Bob Saget walking around Toronto and -- astounding as it is -- another pic of some Degrassi (yes, a CTV show) "star" outside Starbucks... the same e-sighting as on Friday's show! The Daily Dish ended with a not-so-subtle shot at The One. "The verdict's out on whether (it) will be a hit or a miss," said Tanya Kim, who wondered aloud if the show can "set itself apart from other Idol imitators." Um, excuse me...Canadian Idol is based on the British Pop Idol show, which in turn is inspired by countless televised talent competitions over the years. Spooky Zain Meghji got all serious on a junket for Lady in the Water, which was actually refreshing (well, except for his big laugh at the end). After the first break, pro Anna Cyzon was up with some good entertainment news headlines. Why isn't she the host of eTalk? Meghji was back with a report on a reggae festival in Montreal, which consisted mostly of subjecting poor Shaggy to self-indulgent yapping, ending with a slow-motion shot of Meghji dancing. So you went to cover a music festival and made the segment all about you? Nice work. Next, "only eTalk" could give us a preview of Sam Roberts' special on MTV, which is owned by CTV's parent company. The rest of the show was filler, but thankfully there was not a sign of David Giammarco. At the end, there was a bizarre question in the show's regular "EQ poll" - "Who are you most excited to see at the Montreal Just For Laughs comedy fest?" Hmmm...I don't live in Montreal and I'm not going there, so I'd have to say...nobody! As will almost everyone else watching eTalk. So why the stupid local question on a national show? So they could work in their own Ben Mulroney. There he was as choice #3. How much you wanna bet he tops the poll results tomorrow? What a joke.

July 15 show

Tonight's show started with "news" of Sienna Miller and James Franco shooting a movie in Niagara Falls -- and speculation about whether they are a couple off-screen, too. Great visuals of the two stars on location, but this is old news. Various sites on the Web have been all over this for at least a week and there have been a lot more suggestive photos online than the ones eTalk showed. Next, the show claimed to have spotted Avril Lavigne's parents at Toronto's airport this morning on their way to Los Angeles (how do they know what Lavigne's parents look like?). After a few harmless filler pieces, David Giammarco was back with (yawn) another behind-the-scenes look at Nickelback on the road. Did I mention it was "exclusive?" This time, we got to see inside his tour bus. Well, in between shots of Giammarco. After the first break, eTalk repackaged its footage of Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling in Ottawa (that they've shown several times already) for a pointless segment on how they started their romance. Of course, it ended with a plug for Spelling's new show, which airs of CTV. A little later, another filler piece (packed with whooshes and bangs, of course) about some buzz bands. Let's give eTalk a break, it is a Friday in summer...who wants to work? Then, yet another segment on CTV's Whistler, followed by "exclusive" clips of Farley Flex of CTV's Canadian Idol walking around St. Kitt's. This is entertainment?! Have a good weekend!

July 14 show

"Avril Lavigne is getting married this weekend," Tanya Kim teased at the top of the show. "From the registry to her gown and the secret location, we've got all the details on this rock star wedding." Of course, this turned out to be one of eTalk's sneaky "we gotcha!" teases because, they did not have all the details -- only rumours about the registry and gown and no idea about the secret location. Next up, an "exclusive" report from Ben Mulroney on the set of Canadian Idol. How did they get exclusive interviews with the eliminated contestants?! They must have connections at CTV. Oh wait... Moving on, Susie Wall was on next with news culled from the newspapers and Web. I suppose this is all interesting stuff if you went through your day without reading entertainment news anywhere else. Next, the e-sightings segment, in which we were treated to far-off video of a Degrassi star (yes, a CTV show) outside Starbucks. For crying out loud, you could have just crossed the street and shot some footage of her...she's on freakin' Degrassi. Hell, she probably would have held the camera for you. There was also some shaky video of Neil Young leaving his hotel -- sorta cool. This was followed by a pretty interesting piece on Nelly Furtado's interview with an overseas gay magazine (although it's more than a month late since the same interview appeared in North American mag Genre at the end of May). No doubt this is the first of many Nelly-butt-kissing segments leading up to her appearance on Idol. Mulroney was back (in voice only) to narrate a swoosh/bang heavy report on real-life couples battling it out at the box office. Pure fluff, to be sure, but not all that bad to watch. Kim followed with a piece on Avril Lavigne's changing style and a few words from the man who supposedly discovered her. Again, not bad. (Keep it up and I'm out of a hobby.) But Zain Meghji killed the buzz with an alleged behind-the-scenes look at Spamalot that he made all about him instead. Next up, more Meghji... this time hanging out with Canadian comic Shawn Majumber. Yawn. The adorable Sophie Gregoire took a decent look at some showbiz happenings in la belle province and then Kim promoted yet another Nickelback story on tomorrow's show (although it looked and sounded like it was cut from today's show). Why did I enjoy today's show so much? Two words: No Giammarco!

The losers have arrived

Alright, a small handful of visitors have started sending in comments that have nothing to do with eTalk but instead take shots at me and this blog. It's a shame there are people out there too stupid to understand that this is a blog about eTalk. I mean, really, the only thing more pathetic than writing a blog about eTalk is writing stupid comments about a blog about eTalk. Anyway, from now on I will only be reviewing comments once a day and will only be posting comments that are relevant to the topic of this blog. You can cry censorship but it's my blog. Do newspapers and magazines print every stupid letter they receive? Do TV networks broadcast every stupid letter they get? It's indeed a shame that a few people out there don't understand the topic of this blog (despite its self-explanatory name) and don't understand that it's all in good fun. I won't let them ruin it for the majority of visitors who enjoy it.

Not quite getting it...

I received a comment tonight from someone who complained that I am not poking fun at, and picking apart, ET Canada. Clearly this is someone who hasn't bothered to read the whole blog because back on July 7th, I addressed this issue and said that someone else will have to blog on ET Canada because I'm afraid that my head will explode. So, yes, I agree that ET Canada deserves the same analysis -- but this blog is clearly named "eTalkeSucks" so it's obvious where the focus is. If someone wants to do ETCanadasucks, I'd be happy to include a link to it here. Oh, and if you're wondering why you can't see this person's comment here, it is because I am trying to keep my postings and all comments focused on the SUBJECT OF THIS BLOG. If you want to knock ET Canada -- and I wish someone would -- start your own blog.

More kind words

Thanks to Rick Dolishny, who posted the following message on his Digital Image Fest blog on Sunday, July 9: "eTalk Doesn't Suck...but the eTalkeSucks blog is a laugh!" But, mysteriously, the posting no longer appears on his blog. Why? Maybe because, according to Dolishny: "I work for eTalk."

July 12 show

Tonight's show opened with news about Avril Lavigne's announcement that she'll release a new album sometime early next year. Then, an "exclusive" first look at the pages of In Touch with that freaky Tom O'Neil (mercifully saving me the cost of the magazine). But his "news" that Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnilo might attend the Teen Choice Awards next month, hosted by Jessica Simpson, was widely available all day long on the Web. The third segment started with a poorly-timed fake "throw" to Ben Mulroney and his "exclusive" report on Canadian Idol. Gosh, how did Mulroney snag "exclusive" interviews with the judges? Good grief. News of the BGM takeover of CHUM -- perhaps the biggest media story of the year -- came in as the fourth segment on eTalk. Of course, it was all positive spin with no mention about the downside of media concentration. Admittedly, much too complicated for the show's pubescent viewers. Next up, a piece on Celine Dion from Sophie Gregoire, who I have grown to like. Then there was a plug for Tori Spelling's show, which starts airing on...you guessed it, CTV. Hirsute David Giammarco was up next with the second part of his "exclusive" (yawn) behind-the-scenes look at Nickelback's concert tour. The only interesting revelation? That between the Kroeger brothers, it's Mike who got the better looks. Tanya Kim came out of the segment by telling Giammarco to "get some rest," which is great advice. Take a lot of rest. We'll thank you for it. After the first break, Zain Meghji (who, incidentally, would be a great drag queen) filled us in on fairly interesting news about Pamela Anderson, Aaron Ashmore and an opera about Pierre Trudeau. Next, a filler piece with wooshes and thuds about sports stars who hook up with celebs, made up of comments from eTalk's own Elaine "Lainey" Liu and Kim's usual badly-read voice over. Then, creepy Giammarco was back with more junket clips with the Wayans brothers about their new movie. I swear there was more footage of Giammarco than the Wayans. Gregoire was back with a good piece on Buck 65 (she actually let him talk). This was followed by another solid piece on a dude who got to play drums with Motley Crue (albeit not exactly fresh news). Oddly, Kim then said: "Now, he's the man who discovered Avril Lavigne" (without showing the man in question) and then -- in what was clearly dubbed in later -- "That story next time." Blame that one on editing.

Idol coverage

You see a lot of Canadian Idol coverage on eTalk (and, of course, all of it is "exclusive"). But when did you see eTalk covering the two Canadians on that other musical reality show, Rock Star: Supernova? So I checked with the Bureau of Broadcast Measurement (BBM) to see which show is more popular. Turns out, that in the coveted Adult 18-49 market, Rock Star on Global beat Idol on Tuesday night. In Toronto, it topped Idol by 36% and in Vancouver it beat Idol by 114% in the Adult 25-54 demo. But not a word about Rock Star (which has two Canadian competitors) on eTalk, which is aimed at the pre-teen audience that watches Idol.

July 11 show

Alright, by now I think it's safe to say that the folks at eTalk are aware of this blog. They're probably saving face by telling people that criticism comes with being on top, popularity breeds contempt, and so on. (Ironically, I can say the same in response to the people at eTalk who knock this blog.) I digress. Tonight's show kicked off with "exclusive" Idol news from Ben Mulroney. "Only eTalk got their hands on this secret list of stars that are lined up to appear on Idol this season, in this eTalk exclusive," Mulroney declared with a straight face. There is so much wrong with that statement that I don't even know where to begin! First, why did he refer to eTalk as "they" when it's his show... and he's on it now? Second, are we supposed to be impressed that a CTV show got the first look at a list from another CTV show? I mean, would they really have been scooped by ET Canada? Wow. Scratch everything I wrote at the top of this entry... these folks are clearly still clueless. Then, Mulroney referred to people like Dennis DeYoung, Chantal Kreviazuk and Roger Hodgson as "A-listers." Riiiight. I bet Idol/eTalk's 12-year-old viewers probably don't know who DeYoung and Hodgson are... and probably can't spell Kreviazuk. Next up was the Idol boys having breakfast, which was also labelled "exclusive." Shockingly, the second-gayest kid on the show joked about hooking up with Jessica Alba. Sure, to trade hair-care secrets maybe. Then came another infamous fake "throw" to David Giammarco (he's on tape, kids!), who apparently landed a part-time job as Nickelback's tour bus mechanic. Oh wait, he always looks like that. "Only I have got your all access pass," he boasted, as if we really cared. Cut to Giammarco cackling. Thanks to horrible Bonnie Fuller's preview of the new issue of Star magazine, I don't have to buy a copy. Next, yet another junket segment with the stars of You, Me and Dupree and a filthy, scruffy, cackling Giammarco. Of course, one of the clips had previously aired on eTalk. Way to stretch it out. Twice before the first break, Tanya Kim teased that we would find out why "Paul Haggis has Vince Vaughn on his enemy list." Of course, anyone with Internet access already knew this was essentially the same headline on a Reuters story posted Tuesday morning about the director's wish to have Vaughn star in his upcoming movie Against All Enemies. A cheesy tease... and eTalk couldn't even come up with it on their own! Later, we were treated to Giammarco slumped...yes slumped...in a chair interviewing some of the Wayans brothers. Sit up, you cackling freak, you're on TV!! Then, still one more segment with cast members from CTV's own Whistler for the one or two eTalk viewers who haven't already heard about the show. Seriously, is there no other Canadian talent in need of coverage?

A nice plug on andPOP

Big thanks to Graham Silnicki at andPOP.com for writing a very positive (and refreshingly accurate) piece on this blog. After you've done reading his article, be sure to cruise around the site a bit because it's got some interesting stuff. Thanks, Graham!

July 10 show

It's the first show of the week and, surely, there's a weekend full of entertainment news to bring to the people of Canada. Well, not exactly. The top story was some gossip about Evangeline Lily and her boyfriend Dominic Monaghan. Yawn! Then that freak Elaine "Lainey' Liu said that Canadian model Gabriel Aubry has been "quietly dating" Halle Berry for a few months. Quietly?! Are you kidding me? They have been very public about their relationship -- and you would know that if you picked up an entertainment mag or surfed the Web. The second segment was, yes, an "exclusive" on Canadian Idol, this time with the female competitors gossiping over breakfast. What the fuck? Are all eTalk viewers 12 years old? Three segments in and we finally get a bit of weekend news, albeit old news that the Pirates sequel was at the top of the box office. The e-sightings segment featured shaky footage (hold the freakin' camera still!!) of Sienna Miller with her mom and some photos of her sitting on the rooftop patio of a Toronto restaurant with James Franco. No mention that the two stars spent almost the entire weekend together and could be an item (a story that was all over the Web as of this morning). Doesn't anyone at eTalk have Internet access? Next up, yet another junket interview clip from a cackling David Giammarco, who desperately needs a haircut and shave. In a new low for Zain Meghji, he asked Scarlett Johansson: "If you could be a flavour of ice cream, what would you be?" Seriously. I'm not making it up. Oh my God. Anna Cyzon's news was alright...until, during a blurb on The One, she misled viewers by saying: "Last month, the (CBC) came under fire when it was announced the American singing contest would pre-empt The National." Of course, the truth is that The One will only pre-empt The National in one time zone and only one day a week. Hello, eTalk, not all of us live in Toronto! Then, in a bizarre segment on the St. Kitt's Music Festival, eTalk had tons of clips of their own Jully Black, who was performing there -- but didn't show any clips of her performance. They had clips of some of the other acts but only pictures of Black on stage. Huh?! You went to St. Kitts to do a segment on a Canadian artist performing live at a music festival and you came back with no footage of her performing live?! The rest of the show was pretty harmless... it was mostly filler, with a profile of Martha Wainwright and some called Moneen (hey, at least eTalk is actually giving airtime to homegrown acts).

July 7 show

The final show of the week kicked off with a teaser that "Bono slams Canada" and suggested that it had the answer to: "What does the rock superstar want?" Alright, we're hooked. But of course, it was a bogus tease because eTalk made only a quick mention of Bono's message on Yahoo criticizing countries for not doing enough to help developing countries. Then it quoted Canadian singer Raine Maida, who took shots at the Canadian government, and reported that Neil Young was headlining Farm Aid. What the fuck?! Talk about dropping Bono's name to lure viewers. Up next, the show claimed that Jose Theodore's baby mama Stephanie Cloutier "kicked him out of the house after eTalk caught him and Paris Hilton canoodling in Toronto." (In fact, several photographers caught them canoodling and eTalk was just one outlet to show the pics.) The e-sightings segment had quick (and crap-quality) pics of Sienna Miller and James Franco on the Hamilton set of Camille as well as a shot of Cedric the Entertainer (with no mention that he's actually in a different movie). Then there was a clip of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott while Tanya Kim said they have arrived in Ottawa -- but the footage looked like it was shot in Toronto. If so, this was very misleading. eTalk reported the bogus story that Kelly Clarkson's deal with a vitamin water maker won't happen unless she loses weight. (Not true! It's a rumour that Clarkson and her reps publicly denied -- but the show didn't bother to mention that.) After a lengthy (and rather odd) piece on superheroes, and a quick chat with Jesse Metcalfe about his upcoming movie John Tucker Must Die, there was an "exclusive" segment with an actor I've never heard of learning how to make a steak. And guess what? He's from Instant Star, a CTV show. Big shock. But then eTalk went further, airing yet another (!) segment on CTV's Whistler. Enough! The rest of the show was mostly filler and nothing really worth picking apart. Except for the end credits, where eTalk played the remix version of Mobile's "Out of my Head" AGAIN. Are there no other Canadian bands in need of exposure? See you back here Monday.

Word is spreading!

eTalkeSucks got a nice plug today on canada.com. It reads, in part: "For those who find the show too painful to watch, there’s a new blog that follows the highs and lows. eTalkeSucks.blogspot.com keeps track of the things eTalk messes up and pokes fun at all that is cheesy about the show." The website also wonders if there will be a similar blog for ET Canada. I'll leave that to someone else because my head would explode if I had to watch both shows!

July 6 show

Tonight's eTalk kicked off with one of its infamously fake "throws" to reporter Zain Meghji, this time in Los Angeles for the Emmy nominations. "Hi Zain," said Tanya Kim even though he can't hear her. "Thanks, Tanya," Meghji replied. Thanks for what? All she said was "Hi." Anyway... the report on the nominations was pretty good except there was no mention until the end that several Canadians got nods. And no mention that the leading nominee, Into The West, was made in Alberta. The charming Susie Wall was up next, rehashing "news" from the mags and the Internet. Oh well, at least she's easier to watch than Elaine "Lainey" Liu. Bring on the "exclusive" Canadian Idol coverage (yawn). eTalk then reported "fresh miniseries casting news" about Shirley Douglas. It said Douglas "will help bring a dramatized version of the 9/11 Commission report to life" in the miniseries The Path to 9/11. In fact, the miniseries was shot in Toronto and Hamilton last summer and is already finished. Kim was also somewhat misleading when she said the miniseries will air "next September 10th and 11th." Actually, it's airing on ABC this September 10th and 11th. Good research, guys. What followed was an innocent-enough piece on Keane and some interesting tidbits of entertainment news. But then eTalk hit us with yet another junket interview piece with Keanu Reeves talking about A Scanner Darkly. If I didn't want to see that movie before, I certainly don't want to see it now because I will have nothing but images of a cackling David Giammarco in my head. I hate to say it but the rest of the show was pretty informative and remarkably accurate -- gee, do you think the folks at eTalk are reading this blog and working a little bit harder? Segments on Kelly Rowan's new TV movie and Michelle Wright's trip to Afghanistan were pretty good despite the plethora of swooshes and thuds.

Exclusive! The scoop on "exclusive"

It's been mentioned a lot herein that eTalk seems to like labelling almost everything as "exclusive," even when it's not - or when it's a segment on one of their own CTV shows. During a break from surfing porn on the Web, I found an interesting 2005 article by Hal Niedzviecki about the battle of the Canadian entertainment shows. Interestingly, eTalk executive producer Jordan Schwartz said this: "Exclusive is a very loose term. You can say you were the first to sit down with somebody as opposed to air it ...but, yeah, the word does get thrown around." So, at least eTalk is aware that they're full of crap.

July 5 show

The top story was the rumoured engagement of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, with Elaine "Lainey" Liu once again rehashing widely available info from US Weekly and Life & Style magazines (without crediting them, of course). The "eSightings" segment came early but didn't include any actual sightings... only a pic of Richard Gere and a clip of Heath Ledger in Toronto last year (as Tanya Kim mentioned they were spotted in Montreal). Oh, and Kim told viewers the Ledger footage was from "TIFF," which few people outside of Toronto would know is the Toronto International Film Festival. Way to be Toronto-centric! Next up was another fake "throw" to Ben Mulroney for an "exclusive" segment on Canadian Idol. He interviewed the executive producer, who bragged about the ratings. CTV sure knows how to suck its own corporate cock. But congrats to eTalk for (awkwardly) cutting short Tom O'Neil's ramblings about the upcoming Emmy nominations. Gee, you really think Grey's Anatomy is going to get some nods? The mildly retarded kid on my street could have told me that. Now, I hate to pick on Anna Cyzon because she's 10 times better at reading a Prompter and doing voice-over than Kim... but for goodness sake: Eat! Next up, creepy David Giammarco with a recycled clip from his junket interview with Keanu Reeves -- um, we saw this on June 28! After the break, Kim promised "only we can tell you David Cronenberg's connection to Andy Warhol and Superman director Bryan Singer." (Er, Singer actually directed Superman Returns, not Superman.) A good tease, indeed, but turns out it's nothing but the old news that Cronenberg is curating a Warhol exhibition at the Art Gallery of Ontario. This, of course, was announced back in April and widely reported. Oh, the connection to Singer? Only that the director likes Cronenberg. Whoopee. Pieces on the Toronto Fringe Festival and a Montreal model-turned-rocker filled out the last minutes of tonight's show.

July 4 show

Thank you, eTalk, for making it so easy. I don't even know where to start today since the show was overflowing with cheese and crap. Let's start with eTalk's "exclusive" report about Brendan Fraser's injury on the set of his new movie in Montreal. "Brendan Fraser got into a terrible accident... and of course only we can tell you what went down," Tanya Kim declared. But the terrible accident turned out to be -- after several irrelevant clips and plenty of swooshes -- a "minor" burn on his hand and Fraser "is doing just fine." Give me a break. eTalk also reported incorrectly that the movie Fraser is working on is called Journey to the Center of the Earth when, in fact, it's called Journey 3-D. Next up, Elaine "Lainey" Liu rehashed info she got off the Web about Avril Lavigne and fiance Deryck Whibley. Referring to a party in L.A., Liu said: "My sources say... Avril was even seen wearing a white veil in her hair." Um, your source is www.alavigne.com.br, which posted photos of her wearing a white veil in her hair. You stupid bitch. Then Liu had the balls to claim that because eTalk supposedly reported the wedding date, Lavigne and Whibley moved it up. Riiiiight...they changed their wedding plans because a rinky-dink Canadian TV show gave the date (which probably wasn't even the right date). To her credit, Kim actually raised her eyebrows when Liu let that whopper out -- not even she was buying that crap. "I hear a large Canadian contingent is expected to attend," Liu further reported. You think? They're freakin' Canadian so, yeah, I'm sure some of their Canadian friends and family will be at their freakin' wedding. But wait! It gets better! Liu ended her segment by pretending that she knows the new wedding date but is keeping it a secret for their sake. What a piece of work. Moving on...there was an "exclusive" segment on Canadian Idol (again, there's a shocker!). Next, scruffy reporter David Giammarco cackled his way through another red carpet report from the Las Vegas premiere of the new Cirque de Soleil production. Not his worst work, admittedly, but then poof there he was in the studio in a dreadful outfit introducing his painful junket interviews with the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean. He even referred to Johnny Depp in the third person while sitting directly across from him! Next up was a fairly interesting segment with Billy Talent, although once again the swooshes and thuds were annoying and distracting -- and Kim's voice-over was about as natural as a bucket of cheese slices. This was followed by (gasp!) another segment about CTV's Whistler. Does anyone care? Next, another fake (and ill-timed) "throw" to a tape of Sophie "I Married a Trudeau" Gregoire in Montreal reporting quite well on the jazz festival. Thank God it's over.

July 3 show

Since it was a statutory holiday in Canada, eTalk broadcast a pre-packaged theme show featuring recycled segments about Canadian celebrities and stars in Canada. Boring filler and absolutely painful to watch, particularly because of the abundance of "swoosh and thud" sound effects of which eTalk is so fond.

June 30 show

"eTalk broke the Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling story first," boasted Tanya Kim at the top of the show, without actually specifying which McDermott/Spelling story she was talking about. "And now only we can show you exclusive photos and tell you what's behind the Spelling family feud." Are these guys for real? eTalk reported on a statement released by Candy and Randy Spelling earlier that day -- which anyone with a computer connected to the Internet already knew about. The show also used a quote Tori gave US Weekly and then cut to clips of talking-head Elaine "Lainey" Lui repeating info she read in the magazine (almost word-for-word, in fact) without citing the source. So, how exactly is it that "only we can tell you what's behind the Spelling family feud?" And those "exclusive photos" were irrelevant pics of McDermott and Spelling taken in Toronto a week earlier. eTalk plays with the truth again! Next up was a piece on the Star Jones Reynolds situation using clips from CNN and The View. Snooze. Of course the show included yet another segment on CTV's own show, Whistler. Let's hype a show no one gives a crap about. In an eTalk "exclusive," the band Alexisonfire did a photo shoot. We're guessing it's exclusive because no one else asked to cover it. Next, obnoxious Zain Meghji took viewers on a pointless tour of the Wynn resort in Las Vegas. What this has to do with Canadian entertainment is a mystery -- it was probably some kind of publicity-in-exchange-for-rooms arrangement. (Again, are there no bands or artists in Canada who could use the exposure more?) This was followed by another one of eTalk's infamous fake "throws" to a reporter in another city (in this case, Montreal). It's on tape and they're not really talking to each other...so cut it out! Next, an "exclusive" segment on Degrassi (yes, it's a CTV show). All in all, one of the worst shows in awhile.