Aug. 25

Judging by tonight's teasers, the folks who put eTalk together have been busy reading the entertainment news sites on the Web since I had already read/heard every story. Don't they realize that their pubescent female audience goes online during the day? Well, let's see how well they rehash it. The top story featured David Giammarco as he should be -- heard but not seen -- in a segment about Canadians at the Emmy Awards. Hey, at least they made an effort to meet their CanCon requirements in an interesting way. Next, Ben Mulroney managed to make an interview with Joan Rivers all about him -- but at least he got her to publicly threaten to kill him on camera. There's a pay-per-view special I would sign-up for. Next came the string of stories taken from the Web that were teased at the beginning of the show, including one wherein eTalk mentioned the Jennifer-Lopez-is-pregnant rumour without adding that her publicist has flatly denied it. The "e-sightings" segment consisted of -- I kid you not -- shaky footage from across the street of Sonja Smits. Hello?! It's freakin' Sonja Smits!! It's only surprising that she's not serving coffee. Was eTalk's socially-retarded video guy Sean O'Neill really so scared of shooting footage of Sonja Smits that he had to hide across the street? Good grief. Next, a segment on AFI voiced-over by... by who? Why does eTalk not always introduce the people doing the voice-overs? Of course, no episode would be complete without a Bell Globemedia plug, this time for the painful-to-watch Comedy Inc. After the break, Zain Meghji was back from a day off to have his teeth whitened to introduce the news headlines. No real "news" but, whatever. The show's Canadian content consisted of a report on some TV movie no one will watch wherein about a hundred different people told us it was about fishing (who produced this segment?!). We get it. Tell us something else. Like how much of our tax money went towards making it? At one point Meghji referred to "the comic genius of Katie Crown." Who?! How dare you throw around the "comic genius" label? Meghji probably thinks Tanya Kim is a "broadcasting genius." Good grief. Later, another Bell Globemedia plug (for MTV) that was ostensibly about the band Marble Index. The only interesting part was one of the band member's observations that after a show in Tokyo they exited the venue to find a crowd of Japanese people. In Tokyo? Get outta here. You were expecting Swedes? This was followed by the second promo for Beerfest in two days, featuring the ear-bleeding delivery of Kim's voice-over. After the break, Canada's #1 source for everything Kreviazuk threw in a teaser for Monday's show, which will have a segment on...you guessed it...Chantal Kreviazuk. How ever will I make it through the weekend?