Coming back!

Hello, possums! The individual who previously reviewed eTalk Daily on this blog has handed over the reigns to humble me (I'm not worthy!) because he/she simply can't take watching eTalk, er, daily. So watch this space beginning Monday, Oct. 2 for my thoughts on Canada's #1 source for everything Bell Globemedia.

Aug. 25

Judging by tonight's teasers, the folks who put eTalk together have been busy reading the entertainment news sites on the Web since I had already read/heard every story. Don't they realize that their pubescent female audience goes online during the day? Well, let's see how well they rehash it. The top story featured David Giammarco as he should be -- heard but not seen -- in a segment about Canadians at the Emmy Awards. Hey, at least they made an effort to meet their CanCon requirements in an interesting way. Next, Ben Mulroney managed to make an interview with Joan Rivers all about him -- but at least he got her to publicly threaten to kill him on camera. There's a pay-per-view special I would sign-up for. Next came the string of stories taken from the Web that were teased at the beginning of the show, including one wherein eTalk mentioned the Jennifer-Lopez-is-pregnant rumour without adding that her publicist has flatly denied it. The "e-sightings" segment consisted of -- I kid you not -- shaky footage from across the street of Sonja Smits. Hello?! It's freakin' Sonja Smits!! It's only surprising that she's not serving coffee. Was eTalk's socially-retarded video guy Sean O'Neill really so scared of shooting footage of Sonja Smits that he had to hide across the street? Good grief. Next, a segment on AFI voiced-over by... by who? Why does eTalk not always introduce the people doing the voice-overs? Of course, no episode would be complete without a Bell Globemedia plug, this time for the painful-to-watch Comedy Inc. After the break, Zain Meghji was back from a day off to have his teeth whitened to introduce the news headlines. No real "news" but, whatever. The show's Canadian content consisted of a report on some TV movie no one will watch wherein about a hundred different people told us it was about fishing (who produced this segment?!). We get it. Tell us something else. Like how much of our tax money went towards making it? At one point Meghji referred to "the comic genius of Katie Crown." Who?! How dare you throw around the "comic genius" label? Meghji probably thinks Tanya Kim is a "broadcasting genius." Good grief. Later, another Bell Globemedia plug (for MTV) that was ostensibly about the band Marble Index. The only interesting part was one of the band member's observations that after a show in Tokyo they exited the venue to find a crowd of Japanese people. In Tokyo? Get outta here. You were expecting Swedes? This was followed by the second promo for Beerfest in two days, featuring the ear-bleeding delivery of Kim's voice-over. After the break, Canada's #1 source for everything Kreviazuk threw in a teaser for Monday's show, which will have a segment on...you guessed it...Chantal Kreviazuk. How ever will I make it through the weekend?

Aug. 24 show

Ben Mulroney was back in the tiny (and cheesy) eTalk studio for tonight's show -- the very same studio, incidentally, where he first made CTV fall in love with him as one of the co-hosts of the moribund Chatroom on the now defunct Talk TV. Oh how the emotions must spill out every time he steps foot in there. I digress. The top story was about how R&B artist Massari "flew to Toronto's Pearson airport" to help a World Vision relief effort to Lebanon. Um, "fly to Toronto?" Doesn't he live here? Dude's from freakin' Ottawa. They actually used those annoying swoosh effects while talking about bombs flying over Lebanon... I always hid behind the sofa. Turns out Massari's relief efforts consisted of putting stickers on bundles of supplies and then autographing them... just what the suffering people of that war-ravaged country need. To put it all into perspective, some crappy wire service news about Tom Cruise was next. Then, eTalk had a clip with Dave Navarro which had been teased in the show intro as "an eTalk exclusive" even though almost every media outlet in Toronto did something with Navarro while he was in town. The segment wasn't labelled "exclusive," though, so perhaps producers were hoping we had forgotten that it was promoted as such at the top of the show. This was followed by the "network premiere" of the new video from The Killers -- not such a big deal when you consider it's already been on the music channels and all over the Internet. Besides, they only showed a few seconds of it and made us listen to Tanya Kim's horrible read over it. Next, the obligatory Canadian Idol segment, this time offering a look behind the scenes of Theresa Sokyrka's new video, as if anyone outside her family and optician cares. Yawn. David Giammarco, apparently far too filthy and scruffy to be seen on camera tonight, voiced-over a lame report on The Emmy Awards that re-hashed stuff anyone who cares would have already read/heard/watched elsewhere. Too bad eTalk couldn't have come up with some unique angle instead of taking the easy (read: cheap) route. After the break, the lovely Anna Cyzon showed up with her usual collection of headlines. Susie Wall, a competent reporter who is often fun to watch, followed with an interesting on-set piece with Jason Priestley, Adam Beach and Graham Greene. Next, a puff piece on Cheyenne complaining about not being able to go anywhere without being recognized. Honey, you could have served me at McDonald's and I wouldn't recognize you. Of course, eTalk managed to work in the obligatory Chantal Kreviazuk/Raine Maida mention. (I swear, they must have pics of Jordan Schwartz screwing Morley Nirenberg.) Sophie Gregoire was up next with blurbs on the Montreal film festival and Quebec actor Roy Dupuis. With the Canadian content mandate fulfilled, eTalk went right back to serving as a promotional vehicle for film studios with a commercial for...er, a segment on the movie Beerfest and one on How to Eat Fried Worms. Again, 30 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Aug. 23 show

Tonight's top story consisted of claims by unnamed sources that Paramount was getting into bed with Brad Pitt and his production company now that the studio has dumped Tom Cruise. Yawn. This was followed by Elaine "Lainey" Lui with what Tanya Kim claimed was "some Lance Armstrong movie scoop." But, of course, this was nothing but Lui repeating the already widely reported news that Jake Gyllenhaal is going to play Armstrong in a movie about his life -- a role that was once going to go to Armstrong's pal Matthew McConaughey (Armstrong actually gave the scoop to ESPN.) The e-sightings segment that followed showed crappy pics of Hayden Christensen and Samuel Jackson in Toronto as well as some D-list actors from Hairspray as well as a terrible picture of Christopher Walken signing autographs in Toronto. Next up, another puff piece on the new Canadian version of Hello!, which Kim described as "the world's most respected and glamourous celeb magazine." The "exclusive" first look at the first issue was apparently voiced-over by Sophie Gregoire (although she was not identified) talking about the surviving Trudeau family members gracing the cover. Um, Gregoire is married to Justin Trudeau and here she is comparing the family to royalty. And remember in my comments about the Aug. 21 episode of eTalk I wrote: "Who wants to take bets there will be some eTalk personalities in one the first few issues?" I should have taken bets because sure enough Ben Mulroney's giant head appears in the inaugural issue. (At least now I don't have to bother buying a copy.) Speaking of Mulroney, he was on next with the "exclusive" report on the previous night's Canadian Idol wherein Steffi DiSupercalifragilisticexpialidocious insisted she felt good about being kicked off. Who wants to take bets she'll be working the pole within five years? A promo for a movie I will never see (but which eTalk's pubescent girl fanbase will no doubt rush out to see) was on next, followed by a decent piece on Audioslave's new album which was supposedly "exclusive." Riiiight, because the band won't be doing any other interviews to promote their new CD. The "exclusive" word was back after the break for a segment featuring Zain Meghji hanging out with BNL's Ed Robertson. (I'm guessing it was the first time Zany Gayhji was anywhere near a barenaked lady.) Anna Cyzon, who should be the host of eTalk partly because she can...um...read, was up next with news headlines. Meghji was back with junket clips about Idlewind. We learned nothing new about anyone or anything but at least we were spared that slimeball David Giammarco. This was followed after a break by the invisible Ben Mulroney narrating a segment on a rapper I've never heard of. You know, eTalk is still a fluffy piece of crap but at least they're not making as much stuff up and getting as much stuff wrong. A friend of mine who works as an intern on the show tells me that producers read this blog and are working a little harder to make sure I don't find errors to point out. Aw shucks. Now if only they would get rid of the red walls in the exec producer's office.

Aug. 22 show

Tonight's top story was about the list of celebs coming to the Toronto International Film Festival. The segment started off well but then focused a little too much on Chantal Kreviazuk, who has a short film in the festival. Next, a report on cast changes on Saturday Night Live. Of course, eTalk had to add its own spin and got something wrong in the process. Tanya Kim wrongly said: "As an added pressure to (Lorne) Michaels, two shows debuting this fall, 30 Rock and Matthew Perry's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, use his famed late night show as a backdrop." In fact, 30 Rock uses a fictious show called The Girlie Show as a backdrop and Studio 60 is set in Hollywood, far from SNL's New York home. But who cares if it's wrong -- at least they got to work in a plug for two series that will air on CTV. For the first time in awhile, tonight's show featured "e-sightings" -- although it was only a crappy clip of Dave Chappelle going into a Toronto venue and an old picture of Rachel McAdams in Toronto even though she was sighted at a Vancouver restaurant. Finally, the "exclusive" Canadian Idol segment we count on to get us through the night. This was followed by a fluff piece on Chantal Kreviazuk -- quite possibly the one-millionth plug for Kreviazuk on the show. Does she have pictures of one of the eTalk producers fucking Jon Benet? Give us a break. Next, a filler piece showing the early work of some big stars. Sort of interesting, I must admit, but a bit of a cop-out in terms of covering entertainment. The delightful Anna Cyzon was sadly heard but not seen, during a rundown of the news, in which she reported that Bon Cop, Bad Cop made $350,000 in English Canada on its opening weekend -- not quite the "Canadian blockbuster history" eTalk predicted it would make just a few days ago. Fruitcake Zain Meghji had to ruin our buzz by coming on next with junket clips with the Outkast guys talking about their new movie Idlewind, although he was mercifully low-key. For the third freakin' time, we got served a puff piece on Mark Wahlberg's new movie, Invincible. It's a miracle how eTalk stretched out 10 minutes of interview footage. Next, Tanya Kim introduced a profile of a Canadian designer by making it about her: "Not only did he design my fabulous Oscar dress but he's fast becoming a go-to guy in the fashion industry." Yes, Tanya, making your dress surely put him in the big leagues. Whatever. Desperate to fill the rest of the episode, eTalk trotted out a segment featuring Sophie Gregoire on the set of her husband's upcoming TV movie. Um, we saw the same segment not too long ago. What a joke.

Aug. 21 show

A lot happened in entertainment over the weekend so surely eTalk will have it all, right? Um, the top story tonight was the over-exposed Paris Hilton's CD launch in New York using a lot of clips supplied by the record label -- so this wasn't news as much as it was a commercial for the CD. Next up, some highlights (so to speak) from the previous night's Teen Choice Awards followed by "behind the scenes scoop" from Elaine "Lainey" Lui, who didn't attend the show and could therefore only repeat stuff she read online. Um, Elaine sweetheart, we read the same blogs you do. Next, a report on CBC's decision to cancel the kids consumer show Street Cents. Why is it that most of the time time eTalk gives any attention to a competing network it's usually about a show being cancelled? Ironically, the show was canned because kids are turning to the Internet for their information, which doesn't bode well for the future of eTalk. It took awhile but finally we got an "exclusive" segment on CTV's Canadian Idol. (For the record, I predict this year's Idol winner will be either the gay guy or the guy who looks gay.) After a break, another set of junket interview clips with Mark Wahlberg talking about The Invincible, showing Zain Meghji yet voiced-over by Tanya Kim. The under-used Anna Cyzon, the only real pro on eTalk, was up next with news headlines. Then, a blatant blowjob piece about the already moribund Canadian version of Hello! magazine. Weekly Scoop died after eight months, proving that Canadians do not want a homegrown celebrity magazine. Who wants to take bets there will be some eTalk personalities in one the first few issues? Later, another -- yes, another -- "exclusive" look inside the recording studio with the Canadian Idol finalists, just in case yesterday's similar segment wasn't enough to convince you not to buy the CD. The invisible Ben Mulroney narrated clips about new DVDs, including the DVD of season two of House, which airs on -- gasp! -- Global. The show ended with a segment about Alexisonfire's new album.

Aug. 18 show

Canada's #1 source for everything Bell Globemedia opened with a piece on the 48 Fest at the MTV Canada studio in Toronto. After some news and gossip headlines, there was an "eTalk exclusive" with some chick from CTV's Instant Star who was posing for pictures. Wow, I bet the competition was pissed at missing out on that. We also got an "exclusive" look inside the recording studio with the finalists from CTV's Canadian Idol. (Judging from what we heard, the CD is crap.) Later, "only eTalk was there" for a book cover photo shoot with Dr. Marla Shapiro who is from, oh yes, CTV's Balance. There was some non-Bell Globemedia content, though, including also a report on Butch Walker narrated by an invisble Ben Mulroney (who wasn't even introduced). This was followed by yet another junket segment with the cast of The Illusionist filled with those annoying swoosh effects and a segment on Little Miss Sunshine. Near the end of the show, a piece about film producer Robert Lantos featuring nothing we didn't already know from watching his biography on the CBC. Please, remind me why anyone watches this show.

Aug. 16 show

On tonight's show, Tanya Kim was back in front of her beloved TelePrompTer in the eTalk studio. With so much going on in the world of entertainment, what's tonight's top story? An interview with Nicole Richie and her dad Lionel. Thank God we didn't have to see grubby David Giammarco, although we did hear his cackle. Next, a plug for an upcoming show on CTV's sister station, MTV Canada about Nelly Furtado. Please, Nelly bonding with goats is not entertainment news. Neither is a recap of Canadian Idol, which airs on CTV. Welcome to "Canada's #1 source for everything Bell Globemedia." Next, a filler segment on Canadian celebs who have been out of the picture for awhile, including Kalan Porter (of CTV's Canadian Idol fame) who's back home in Medicine Hat caring for his ailing mom. Speaking of celebs no one cares about, next up was a piece on the Canadian movie Bon Cop, Bad Cop, which Kim described as being "on its way to making Canadian blockbuster history." Riiiight. This was followed by a junket interview with the cast of The Illusionist wherein Kim asked the most over-asked and boring question in history: "What about the story appealed to you?" What the fuck is she expecting? "Well, Tanya, I did it strictly for the paycheque." Zain Meghji showed up wearing a shirt decorated with what looked like Giammarco's vomit to give us the "news" -- or what is really a collection of stuff some intern read online. For the second day in a row, we were subjected to Giammarco's junket clips for Snakes on a Plane in which he once again made it all about him, suggesting sequels like (I kid you not) Sharks on a Subway and Mongooses on a Monorail. The sad thing is, he probably spent a lot of time coming up with those. And yes, there he was cackling like a crazed schoolgirl. Also, to keep the attention of the teen audience, the segment had a bizarre music track behind it. After a break we got the "world premiere" of the trailer for the Trailer Park Boys movie. Riiight...the world premiere. Because this movie is opening around the world. Not. The show wrapped up with a segment on a Canadian working in the touring production of the Bombay Dreams musical. As usual, you've got to sit through a lot of crap to get a little bit of substance.

Aug. 15 show

Well, I'm back from my summer break and anxious to peruse Canada's #1 source for everything entertainment (God help Canada!), eTalk Daily. On this show, Tanya Kim was hosting on location in Calgary -- but instead of being somewhere interesting among the people of Calgary, she was perched on some rooftop patio looking down on the common people. Perhaps the producers were afraid of hecklers disrupting the taping. I digress. The top story, inexplicably, was a junket interview clip with Mark Wahlberg, in which freaky Zain Meghji actually managed to work in a plug for his lusty female producer. Next, Elaine "Lainey" Lui weighed in with her usual crap gossip culled from Web sites. The idiot also called Kurt Russell one of Kate Hudson's "parents" and referred to him as a "loving father." Er, Russell's her stepfather. Back to Kim, who introduced a segment on a Diesel fashion show in Calgary that, yes, she hosted. "Only our cameras can take you inside this hot show," she boasted, as if anyone cares. The segment showed Kim at the podium struggling to read a simple introduction from a script. For Christ's sake, couldn't she have said something off the top of her head? Next, a shot of someone taking a picture of Kim...okay, when will this start being about the event? Oh, there it is... we got to hear various unknown people answering questions we never got to hear. This was followed by a segment on the launch party for a song recorded in support of the fight against AIDS in Africa that was actually pretty interesting and didn't feature any eTalk egos...although we could have done without the transition sound effects. Next, a fake "throw" to Ben Mulroney in Toronto giving us an "exclusive" look inside Canadian Idol that went on way too long but probably made the 12-year-old girls who watch eTalk moist. Then we were subjected to creepy David Giammarco's junket interview with Samuel L. Jackson for Snakes on a Plane, in which he asked if it was true that the name was changed to "something else" and then switched back -- something that has been so widely reported and that any moron with Google could have told him. I'd rather fly with snakes on a plane than end up on the same flight as Giammarco. After the break, Meghji was in the eTalk studio with news about Canadian Business magazine's list of the most powerful Canadians in Hollywood. oddly, he pointed out that missing from the list were Shania Twain and Celine Dion -- neither of whom work in Hollywood. Then the clueless Meghji showed a clip of Richard Gere answering a question at a press conference and said: "He told eTalk." Gere might have answered a question from someone who works for eTalk but for goodness sake we can see he's at a bloody press conference so he actually told everyone. After earlier promising to show us the trailer for the new Trailer Park Boys movie, we got only a "preview" and a promise that we'll see the "world premiere" of the entire trailer tomorrow. Geez, can't wait. Next up was more Meghji, this time on a junket with the cast of Trust The Man. Thankfully, it was uncharacteristically light on the Meghji. After another break, we got a decent piece on a dude in Calgary who has taught celebrities how to ride horses for movies and a profile of up-and-coming singer Tomi Swick. A little substance to end the show.

It's still summer!

After a week of pre-packaged shows filled mostly with rehashed segments, I was looking forward to reviewing new shows this week -- but turns out that eTalk is still running summer shows with rerun segments. So my break continues!

July 31 show

Over the weekend, Mel Gibson got busted, Pamela Anderson got married, and Lindsay Lohan got a new one ripped...but eTalk opened tonight's show with a repeat of its interview with Martin Short. It was the same interview aired when his show was playing in Toronto but they dragged it out tonight to promote his show on Broadway. Unbelievable. Next up, a "worldwide exclusive" (yes, Tanya Kim said "worldwide") about the celebrity guests at this year's One X One gala during the Toronto International Film Festival. You mean the "worldwide exclusive" that Matt Damon and John Legend will be there? Hmmm...didn't I see that somewhere? And why the "worldwide?" I'm sure somewhere in the Ukraine an entertainment show is kicking itself for missing that one. Now back to the filler... up next was a crappy segment on the offspring of famous directors and actors who are also working in show business. Suddenly, I realized this is a pre-packaged show. Hey, those eTalk interns deserve a break. There was some fairly new content, though, with creepy David Giammarco on a junket interview with Robin Williams... but this was followed by a rehash of a David Cronenberg profile. After the break, rehashed filler pieces on band members who go solo and minorities on prime time television. A segment from last year about the movie Three Needles was trotted back out because of the upcoming International AIDS Conference in Toronto. (Did we really need the cheesy sound effects in a segment about a serious subject like AIDS?) No mention of the fact that the movie, which screened at last year's Toronto Film Festival, never got a wide release. Then, an old behind-the-scenes look at Billable Hours. Well folks, if eTalk is taking a break from new shows this week, maybe I should seize the opportunity to take a break, too.

July 28 show

Tonight's show opened with the widely-reported story about a letter from the production company behind Lindsay Lohan's new movie complaining about her behaviour. At least eTalk cited the source (thesmokinggun.com) this time and apparently did a little homework to find out that the letter was legitimate. Next up, the news that CTV was dying to report -- that the ABC/CBC show The One has been cancelled. Tanya Kim once again misled viewers by claiming the reality series bumped The National (it only bumped it in Ontario and Quebec). Next, Kim inexplicably did the voice-over for a junket segment with Zain Meghji and the cast of Scoop. This was followed by a 100% filler segment about the favourite summer songs of various stars (including five CTV "stars"). Then, "only eTalk was invited inside" the studio with Sloan. Big deal. All they did was brag about how many people played their song in MySpace. Next, David Giammarco's voice mysteriously appeared to narrate a piece on Justin Trudeau's new TV movie even though the interview was done by Sophie Gregoire, who happens to be Trudeau's wife. Weird. The obligatory Idol segment featured three former Idol competitors shopping for vintage clothes. Yes, you read that right. In a profile of comic actor Ryan Belleville, Kim bragged that he "conquered" TV (his series lasted less than one season) and "made movie magic" in Going the Distance (which was a box office flop). All in all, a fairly harmless show.

July 27 show

The top story was about Beyonce, whom eTalk erroneously reported a few weeks ago had split from Jay-Z. Apparently all is forgiven, because Tanya Kim interviewed the singer in New York. Thankfully, the segment was light on the annoying sound effects for which eTalk is usually so fond. Next, the "network premiere" of Janet Jackson's new video. Of course, not really, because they only showed a few seconds of the video. This was followed by Susie Wall with "the scoop" on Pamela Anderson's plans to have several weddings -- news that was all over the Web all day. Next, an inexplicably brief interview with Hilary Duff in London, Ontario, that didn't really tell us anything. David Giammarco -- who is, based on his look, now homeless -- brought us yet more junket clips for Miami Vice. The obligatory Giammarco cackle was there. It wouldn't be an eTalk episode without a pointless "exclusive" Canadian Idol segment -- this time featuring Bonnie Stern at the Idol mansion learning how to barbecue. It was the longest segment on the show and had nothing to do with entertainment. Kim's introduction to the next segment reminded me how she is hands-down the worst TelePromTer reader in the history of television. After the break, an "exclusive" (God, they love that word) about a Vancouver kid who's going to play Halle Berry's son in a movie. Then, a puff piece on a singer named Peaches that was interesting only because Kim said "impeach my Bush" and cut to Peaches saying "piss in my pimp cup" on what is essentially a youth show!